Friday, May 8, 2009

What if I Don’t Feel Sexy Today?

What if I don't feel sexy today?

I know, right? What a crazy question for an erotic romance author to ask. I should always feel sexy. And sexy words should drip with ease from my fingertips to the page, exploding into a steamy scene guaranteed to raise pulses and soak panties.

Well, it doesn’t always happen that way.

Because I spend a lot of time on my tush, it has decided to offer me some extra padding. And then the rest of my body decided to follow suit. Sounds thoughtful, right? Yeah, sure.

Back in November I embarked on a sort of wellness plan. The idea was to treat myself better, eat better, walk every single day, and surround myself with positive energy. It worked great up until the end of February. I’d tapped into some amazing place of confidence that sure had me feeling sexy. And sexy words did drip with ease to the tune of six short stories and two novellas.

Then poof! I don’t even know what happened. I guess the downward spiral started when after three months straight of walking I decided to take a couple days off for good behavior. Which then turned into about eight weeks off. All the good eating went poof too and I had my hand back into the cookie jar – so to speak.

And to make matters worse, my writing suffered for it. The passion was missing from my characters. I couldn’t possibly turn my story into my editor. My voice was missing. Words were strung together into very nice and uniform paragraphs, but they lacked any kind of feeling. I was going through the motions without real emotions.

I was mad at myself for reverting back to old habits instead of sticking with the ones that were helping me get my sexy back. Clothes were fitting better, my face had a glow, and hubby even noticed. Those things should have motivated me but it was easier to quit then do the work.

So as of five days ago I started back to walking every day, slowly getting my eating back on track, and once again trying to surround myself with positive vibes. I noticed today that a little kick had returned to my current WIP. I’ll take that. I don’t need to be a size six or look like my heroine’s to feel sexy. But I do need to take the time to nurture my needs. Because when I feel good about me, it radiates into my characters. When I’m in tune with my body, mind and spirit, words and emotions flow and then the sparks really can fly.

~Ann Cory http://www.anncory.com/

35 comments:

Jess said...

Great post, Ann! Wellness is such a concern for writers--and even publishers--since we spend so much time sitting at our computers. We all fall off the healthy living wagon sometimes, but the key is realizing when our progress has stalled and getting back on track. Congratulations and good luck!

Ann Cory said...

Thank you Jess :) I wish I had an easier time practicing the healthier habits. I'm hopeful this time I'll stick to it!

I appreciate the support :)

~Ann

Regina Carlysle said...

Stalled? Did someone say stalled? Um, yep, I'm sputtering. It's so easy to get off track.

And Ann? Didn't you know all romance writers wear pink feather boas and fuzzy-looking heels while writing? I sure as hell do. wink wink

Ann Cory said...

LOL! Thanks Regina. I need a new feather boa BAD! *hugs* :)

Brandy W said...

I'm terrible about healthy practices. I start and stop. It is so much easier to just stop. I know I need to get my butt moving but I'm just terrible with motivation.

Good luck getting moving.

Ann Cory said...

Thank you Brandy :) I hear you - and most of the time when I feel like I should be exercising I sit down and wait for the feeling to go away. LOL!

This time around I'm hoping with outside support and cheerleaders I can stay motivated :) *hugs* Thanks for stopping by sweets!

LAJA88 said...

Ann,

Your post brings to light a truth that most of us women feel on any given day. To me feeling sexy is a state of mind and as women we have so many things to deal with that interfere with that "sexy" state of mind. Myself, I find that the day to day stresses of family, work and the outside world often hinder my sexy mojo, add a little hormone imbalance and I go from sexy to yucky in no time. As women we need to stop punishing ourselves for that extra weight and bad hair. Let's face it, how many of us actually look like a supermodel. I know I don't, never have and never will. But, even with that extra weight and bad hair, I know my family loves me and that I have to love myself unconditionally just like they do. Some of my favorite romance books are about real women who are short, fat, old, young, tall or skinny who love themselves for who/what they are. Confidence is contagious - now that is "sexy".

Booksrforever123 said...

Great ideas Ann! I am currently feeling unloved/unsexy and unappreciated. Maybe if I started with how I preceive myself, I can get others to preceive me that way too. Right now giving up seems the easiest way as no one would miss me if I wasn't here, since I had to put my furbaby to sleep due to cancer, and my hubby is gone more than he is home, I'm sure he wouldn't miss me either-just my paycheck as his job is ending and he hasn't found another yet.

Ann Cory said...

Hi LAJA88, you're exactly right. I was reading through my story and wanted to cringe at the lack of sexual tension and heat. I didn't realize it as I was typing. I couldn't write sexy because I didn't feel sexy - and it was because I was unhappy with myself.

Just a week back into being good to me and already my confidence has bounced back. It feels good. I want to stay this way, and I know it will take work, but I also know it will be worth it. Thank you for stopping by!
:)

Ann Cory said...

Happy Friday Books4forever123 :) I'm sorry to hear about your furbaby - that is not an easy thing to deal with. Life throws us many many curve balls and sometimes we just want to close up that catchers mitt and quit the game.

I tend to be very private - almost painfully private and I think that had to do with not being happy with myself - and worried others wouldn't like me either.

Now I see it's okay to reach out to others and share stuff going on. To ask for help and motivation and support. Being more confident I felt like spending more time with people and in turn that also helped boost my confidence.

Never think you aren't important, because you ARE important. Go stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you like you. Keep doing it until you can say you love yourself.

And thank you for stopping by - sending hugs and positive energy your way!!

Amy S. said...

Great post! I've been walking some each day too. It really does make you feel better. I did have to stop during the winter when it got too cold to walk, but I started it again as soon as it warmed up.

EdgesAngel23 said...

Great post Ann! It really motivated me to get active! The weather is so nice FINALLY, I shouldn't be spending my time indoors!! Plus, maybe when I feel better, I'll be able actually ACCOMPLISH something in the vampire romance I have been trying for years to get done!!
Ashley A
ash_app@hotmail.com

Ann Cory said...

Great job Amy :) It's a great time for reflection too. I use that time to think about what I've accomplished, what I still want to accomplish, and well...sometimes I come up with a new plot line, lol.

Great to see you!! *hugs*

Ann Cory said...

Waving hi to Ashley! It does feel good to get moving, even if it's just for a short bit. I started out with just a 5 minute walk and then increased it by 5 minutes each week until I was at 40 minutes. My legs got real strong. I'm back to about 20 minutes now, need to recondition myself, but the amount of time isn't near as important as just moving. Maybe 3 five minute walks throughout the day work better.

That song Move It from the movie Madagascar is very motivating, lol.

Oh yes girl, write that vampire romance!! :)

Dani said...

Hi Ann! You know if getting healthier was easy everyone would be. Good luck with it this time. I need to join you on getting healthy too, but the bad stuff is just sooooo good sometimes. LOL!

Fran Lee's Romance Blog said...

Excellent post! Reminds me to get my tush in gear, as well! Thanks for the nudge.

Loretta said...

Gee Ann I thought you were talking about me for a minute when you were saying you spend all your time on your tush and all that extra padding that your body decided to follow. lol. I set on my tush at work with a computer in front of me and signing bills for overages and shortages. Not much exercise there. Do get up once in awhile to walk to the copy machine, restroom, or to take break or lunch.
There were about 18 of us at work that put in $20.00 and who ever lost the most weight by May 19 wins the money. Well I haven't lost very much. Haven't exercised at all even though I have all kinds of exercise equipment in my house. Just couldn't get motivated at all. So wanted to lose some of this extra baggage before going on vacation at the end of this month to a family reunion.
I do not feel sexy at all. And I do get to look at my body after I get out of the shower for the mirror is right in front of me over the bathroom sinks when I open the shower door.
I do feel better when I go and get my hair cut. It makes me feel a little lighter. lol Maybe one of these days I will make it on to some of these exercise machines here and get in shape. I am proud of you that you are walking and doing your best to get healthy.

Pat said...

I wish I had the will power to do it.When it gets hot I just want to stay inside where it is cooler.Living in Florida it gets hot alot.I guess I should tell myself if you walk that week you get a book if you don't can't get a book.As much as I love to read it should get me going. I hope we both can keep it going.

Ann Cory said...

Thanks Dani! I just know that if walk everyday (with my knees I can't do anything more than that) the rest will fall into place. I don't want the emphasis on weightloss - but the good stuff I gain - confidence, a glow, happiness. Everything else is just a side benefit :)

Ann Cory said...

THanks for popping in Fran :) After eight weeks of nudging myself I finally paid attention, lol. Sheesh. Ah well, I'm sticking with it this time gosh darnit!

*hugs*

Ann Cory said...

Thank you Loretta :) ANd you know, I just want to do this slow and steady. No race here. I'd rather make this a lifetime thing. While I admire the results the Biggest Loser people get, I don't think it's something many can do longterm.

One baby step at a time :)

So good to *see* you!!! *tossing confetti*

Loretta said...

Yes losing weight should be a slow thing. If lyou lose it fast it just comes back with a little extra. Just having you post about trying to lose weight and doing the walking does make me want to do it more. I have a treadmill that I need to clean and then start walking on it with a book in front of me to read. lol To hot here in Arizona to walk outside.

Ann Cory said...

Hi Pat :) My willpower has never been very strong, which is pretty much why I don't diet. Spring is a good time for me to start eating better, and a little less pasta - though I really prefer pasta, lol. So I'll eat a little better, but I'm not giving up anything.

I like your incentive with a book! Yes - I'm allowing myself reading time if I've walked. So if I walk for 20 minutes, I'll take time out to read for 20 minutes. I love to read too :)

We can do it! *tossing confetti*

Ann Cory said...

I've been walking around 10pm each night - so it tends to be cool. I've walked in the rain, with a nasty skunk smell in the air, and even the snow. I'm either going to keep to the 10pm nightly walk (it's so quiet and peaceful with me, the moon, and the stars), or I'll try to walk real early in the morning, like at 5:30am. That will take a little more motivation and harder nudges though, LOL!

I think the important thing really is to just do it. If I lose weight in the process, cool. I definitely lost some inches (I don't own a scale) and at that time I was still eating pasta. My favorite part was after a couple weeks I wasn't gasping for air like I was in the beginning. :)

Wendi said...

So well said, Ann! I think you hit on something that is true for a lot of us. :)

Wendi Darlin

PhyllisC said...

What a fantastic post! I can't even begin to tell you how much I relate to what you said. It is so very easy to "fall off the wagon" - so to speak and very hard to get back on or even start in the first place. I love your stories so I'm glad to know that you are getting "your sexy back".

blackroze37yahoo.com said...

im a mother of 3, and a gramother, taking care of my sick, hubby, and well i really dont even feel female, more like asexual or nonsexual ting

Ann Cory said...

Thanks Wendi - and I'm so thrilled to have you help motivate me :) I hope good things come from the love your body group.

Ann Cory said...

Hi Phyllis!! :) It's very easy. And you know it's not so much about weightloss as it is just gaining my confidence back. It was a collection of things going on all at once. I felt like I had my stuff together. I felt empowered. And after one too many weeks away from all of it, I missed it. But then I worried if I started up again, would it be too hard.

So again, just babysteps. When I feel confident and motivated and empowered it does so much for myself and then the creativity just pours right out :)

Ann Cory said...

Blackroze - I can understand where you would feel that way, especially since you spend a good amount of time taking care of other people. Try and make sure you're doing something for yourself. Pamper yourself in little ways. Right now for me it's my walk and then taking some time out to read. I do however need to find a little more time than that for myself, lol. Thank you for stopping by - you beautiful lady you!

macbeaner said...

Yeah, the problem with jobs that make you sit on your bottom all day, you tend to just not feel as energetic as you should!

Glad to hear you're back it though!

Ann Cory said...

Thanks Macbeaner - I sure am. Just came back from my evening walk. Gorgeous night, slight breeze, almost a full moon, and a ton of stars.

:)

Caffey said...

Hi Ann! I so agree. I too have to channel in those positive feelings and remind myself of the good things so I don't get discouraged dealing with the pain. So I need a boost every now and then to get back on track because its so much better to feel physically better when I do feel it emotionally too!

Happy Mother's Day!

Ann Cory said...

Well said Cathie! And it's important that we're taking care of ourselves - not just the physical part but the inner part. Even if we looked great, what counts is how we feel. You go through a lot, and you are someone who very much inspires me. So stay positive sweetie - it's a beautiful thing :) *Hugs*

Ann Cory said...

I just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who stopped by and shared a little something about themselves. Your words moved me and motivated me. You're all beautiful to me, and I'm proud to know you! *hugs*

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